roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
