I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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