I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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