Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
