At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
