how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Damn victory sex feels great
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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