Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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