The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
