He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
