I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
