yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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