well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
