I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
