i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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