Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
