I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
