Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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