Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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