Just fell off a train. Bad.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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