so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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