My room smells like vodka and shame
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
