What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
