Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
