So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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