Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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