Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
