i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
