About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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