I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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