Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
