New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
