She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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