what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
