she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
