he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
