I hate all girls vehemently.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I enjoy the company of your penis
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
