He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
