I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
do herpes really smell.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
