My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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