If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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