I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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