wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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