i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
