u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize