Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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