We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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