god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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