one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
