even my farts smell like vagina
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My bed smells like the plague
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
