the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
