Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
