She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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